Grass
by theMorons
Summary: Watch a group of Asians wreak havoc in Hogwarts,turning the school upside down with their pranks,having to battle bimbos,teachers,prefects,detention,grades,and love along the way...
1. Grass?

_Summary: _Ever seen a group of Asians wreck havoc in Hogwarts, especially with their local slang and attitude still intact? Here's your chance to catch front row tickets to Bat, Victoria and Lyn's hilarious escapades to turn the school that has been around for over ten centuries upside down along with their many other close friends from two houses. But will their outrageous behaviour stop them from realizing their true loves?

**Chapter 1:**

"What the hell?" Lyn exclaimed, her article _actually _got published? "How is it even possible!" She said, choking with laughter as Victoria smoothened the Daily Prophet on the breakfast table, grinning cynically.

"BAT! BAAAATTT!" Lyn screamed, beckoning her with wild gestures to where they were seated.

"What? What? What?" She said, running over with a worried expression printed across her face.

"Look!" Victoria said, shoving the newspaper into her face.

"HAHA! HAHAHAHA! IT WAS ACTUALLY _PUBLISHED_ IN THE FORUMS SECTION?" Bat (full name Batrishiya) laughed loudly.

Now all the students in the breakfast hall were staring at them. The headlines on the forum blared: _DO FROGS REALLY EXIST? OR ARE THEY JUST TOADS?_

All three of them burst out in raucous peals of laughter.

Well, not all three. Being the demure person with a brace to support her slightly curved spine, Victoria was only able clutch the wooden table and support her body from the racking peals of laughter while Lyn was half seated on the floor, hand gripped on the long bench.

Bat, on the other handwas rolling about on the floor, newspaper in a dismal condition after being grasped in her tight and sweaty fists.

The laughter carried on for another fifteen minutes. Each time they were subdued, they would look at each other and start breaking out in peals oflaughter again.

"Gosh. Man! I seriously cannot believe you even sent in that ridiculous article!"

"Hell, I did. Besides, it's what I really think," Bat said.

"Yeah well, better get to class," Victoria said, grabbing her bag from under the bench.

"What's first period?" Lyn asked.

Bat checked the timetable and made an angry noise, accompanied by a flurry of fists pummeling the air in front of her.

"Snape? On the first day of school! Well that sucks!"

"Yeah, and that stupid pretty boy Dedric Ciggory sits next to me," Bat remarked.

"I thought his name was Cedric Diggory? Besides, you are lucky enough you get to sit next to him," Victoria said patiently, "Plenty of girls would die just to sit next to him. Not me though. Besides, you get to copy off him."

"Hey! I got that O for Sixth Year Potions purely out of my own diligence," Bat said.

"Of course you did, Bat! Top of our year, eh?" thumping her on the back, "Pity you aren't in Ravenclaw with us," Lyn said, slinging an arm over Victoria's shoulders.

That was when Victoria started to mumble something about a: stupid hat, Gryffindor, and wrong sorting.

"Hey, we're really late,"

"Yeah we had better go in now or that slime ball will give us detention or something,"

"Hey Bat, do you have any mashed Beetles to spare? I kinda ran out," Lyn said.

"Doing what, exactly?" Bat asked, hands crossed over her chest, giving Lyn the over fake, over exaggerated look of a prissy bore.

"Well," Lyn said, grinning at Victoria, "You'll see when the time comes."

"Well I have no more beetles to spare. In fact, no one does. And you are in deep shit Lyn; Snapey is going to have us do that thing? What's that again?"

"Potion that _SUPPOSEDLY_ increases your bravery,"Victoria grumbled.

"So says Snapey," Bat mumbled.

"Well?" Lyn huffed, "The sacrifice was worth it."

They got to their seats, Lyn arranging whatever was left of her Potions set on her desk next to Victoria who was also lacking in certain ingredients.

They were together in Seventh Year Potions. Actually, they were only in the fifth year, but since having learnt fifth year potions before hand (thanks to the advanced syllabus from their previous schools in Asia), they were shifted up a year which was rather annoying. Sixth year potions was rather hard to keep up with.

"Today, you will be making the Potion of Bravery," Snape said without addressing the class, flipping over the black board and revealing a long, complicated set of instructions, the instructions are here, you have an hour and a half, start now! People who- what is it Miss Sin? He asked in a low, dangerous voice.

"Professor Snape, I have no more beetles to crush, Sir," She said, hand still in the air, with no trace of regret nor repentance in her voice.

He narrowed his eyes and sneered at her.

"Unless you can find five extra Scarabs beetles from Egypt within the given time, you will earn yourself another T in Potions for this assignment," He said coolly.

"Stupid grease ball," Lyn hissed as Snape turned his back on the class, "What's the point of being having Potions our best subject when all we are getting are T's," she grumbled.

"Five-Scarab-Beetle," he said in a painfully slow pace, adding to the dramatics, "from Egypt. The most important ingredient in the Potion. The body of the beetle exudes a certain juice essential to provide the body of the Potion. Without it, the potion would be worth nothing more than the water you drink everyday!" He preached as he walked up to the black board. "Keane! He barked, turning around faster than you could say 'Grease Ball'.

"Ye-yes-ss Sir?" said the stammering Hufflepuff.

"What is the most crucial ingredient in the Potion you are about to make?"

"I- I-I"

"Whatever you were doing at the back proved to be more important than your Potions grade for your next years NEWT, I assume? Davies!" He said, whipping around and switching targets now, "What method are you using this time to distract Montague?" Snape said.

"Ah nothing much," Lyn whispered to Victoria, as if in Roger's shoes, "Just tempting him to have wild sex, that's all."

Both of them burst out laughing like maniacs, their fair skin turning a faint red due to the lack of oxygen from the laughing- right in the middle of the quiet, obedient, and very agreeable class of Sixth year Potions.

"Miss Sin! That is the final straw! Take your things and change places with Miss Batrishya. NOW!" He half-shouted on seeing her defiant expression.

Mumbling to herself, she grabbed whatever stuff she had on the table with an aura of savageness and stomped her way to the second row in front of class, flinging her jars and ingredients on the table next to pretty boy _Dedric Ciggory_.

She sat glumly on her newly assigned seat, hand propping her head while the other shooting random sparks in the air with her wand while everybody scrambled to get started.

"Why aren't you starting?" Cedric asked as he prodded the burning flames beneath his cauldron.

"BECAUSE!" She started dramatically, adding tension and suspense, "I don't have my _five_ _Scarab Beetles from Egypt_," She said, mimicking Snape in a high pitched tone.

"Well, I'm just going to have to make do with whatever I have now, don't I?" She said, summoning a fly into her palm and throwing it into her grinding bowl, mashing it into grotesque bits, submitting other poor insects to the same fate, which included, a moth, a cockroach nymph, and an ant half the size of her thumb.

"That won't work you know? I can lend –"

"AH AH AH...!" She said, holding up a hand, silencing him, "I can handle it fine by myself!" She said loudly, "I don't need some pretty boy's help" she mumbled.

"Sorry, didn't catch the last sentence," He said politely.

"Nothing…nothing…" She said in a singsong voice, turning around, facing her back against him.

He was right. It really didn't work. Her Potion ended up in a bubbled mess even before she made it through half of the instructions.

Cedric gave her the '_I-told-you-so'_ look and smiled smugly.

"Cedric _Cig_- CEDRIC DIGGORY! Don't!" She said, pointing an offending finger at him.

He shrugged and turned away.

Clicking his tongue, Snape came by with a clipboard in his arms.

"I suppose you didn't use the Five Scarab Beetles from Egypt, as I specifically instructed the class to, did you? No? Well then, another T for this assignment then Miss Sin," he said, scribbling something down on his clipboard,

"Mr Diggory, an A. Merely passable," He said, causing Cedric to grin appreciatively at his maroon concoction.

Although Snape only gave him an A, one grade away from a P, both Lyn and Cedric knew full well that it was equivalent to an O in any other classes.

Cursing and swearing to herself, she vanished her Potion and left class with Victoria and Bat swinging her bag over her shoulders and hitting Cedric over the head.

"I can't believe that _person_! Other than him extreme rudeness and his hideous face, its as if he doesn't wash his hair. At all!" Lyn huffed angrily, plopping herself on the bench during lunch.

"Well…believe it." Victoria replied, digging into her food already. "What else do you expect from Snape?"

"True…"

"So…I saw you…and Pretty Boy…talking…" Victoria said, raising her delicate eyebrows suggestively. "And…? Give me the juicy details."

Lyn choked on her food in shock, purposefully adding a hint of drama to the scene by thumping her chest with a fist to exaggerate her point. Hurriedly, she took a glass of water to clear her throat and explained to a grinning Victoria.

"There's _nothing_ going on between me and Ciggory," she insisted, using the name they made up for him.

"Right…" Victoria raised her eyebrows even higher.

"It's true," Lyn said insistently. "We were just arguing because he wanted to lend me his stupid Mashed Beetles but I didn't want to borrow it from him and…"

Lyn droned on and on. Victoria forgot that such a simple question like that could cause such a lengthy and boring explaination. If she did remember, she would have known better than to ask. Once you got Lyn started, it was difficult to stop her.

Bat and Victoria exchanged knowing glances and tried to cover up their snickers by faking a mad round of loud coughing.

Finally, Lyn's speech ended with a, "...and then I got my revenge. I think when I swung my bag around, he got hit on the head. And tha'ts good cause hopefully he'll get concussed and be sent to Greenland,", hoping that she got away with it.

"God knows what would happen if she became the Minister of Magic. Her election speech would be the most boring and longest ever." Bat remarked, laughing.

"Yeah…" Victoria agreed.

Lyn tried to give her friends a steely glare but she failed horribly at it. She looked at her friends' amused expressions and burst into laughter herself.

"Excuse me…" An annoying voice interrupted. Cho Chang appeared behind them. "Could you move? I'm supposed to be sitting here."

"The benches are free for all," Lyn said, trying to keep the anger out from her voice. "It's on a first come first serve basis."

"Exactly." Bat agreed.

Although they were in the same House, Lyn and Victoria absolutely hated '_Miss Prissy Cho Chang_'. She always hung around with a bunch of bimbotic, stupid girls who knew nothing but fashion, makeup and boys. She was the face behind the vicious rumours that Victoria and Lyn were lesbians who gave Chinese like her a bad name, and Bat a boy who underwent sex change in Bangkok. Although the rumours died don after a few months, she fuelled it with more rumours about how they got into Seventh year Potions through the use of their parents donating g_old_.

Cho Chang always thought she was so smart and so pretty. Victoria hated to admit it, but Cho Chang _was_ pretty. That was a fact. But as for 'smart', the fact was that a hamster could think better than her…

Lyn, Victoria, Bat, were amongst one of the better looking ones around although they practically behaved like boys- loud, vulgar (except for Victoria) and dirty minded. Plus, they did not go sprinting after boys every time they saw one. So, Cho Chang and them simply did not mix.

"Yeah…" Victoria added in, with a mocking smile pasted on her face. "Don't tell me you didn't know that, even though you have been here for about…five years? Or are you really trying to prove a hamster has more intellect than you do,"

Everyone gave her an appreciative smile. At that point of time, a fellow Gryffindor came walking towards them, looking very ready to sneeze...

"AH-CHOO!"

Hermione sneezed into Cho's face.

"Whoops," Hermione said, walking away without offering a decent apology.

Chang gasped a gasp worthy of being part of a muggle movie and glared at them, wiping her face with the sleeves of her robe,but it didn't work. Victoria still had that sarcastic smile across her face. For one moment, she looked like she wanted to smack that smile off her face. But then, she turned around and stalked off, her group of bimbos following suit at her invisible yet obvious command. What Cedric saw in her, Lyn could never understand.

Her girly cronies looked at the table of food enviously. Obviously, they were hungry. But Chang's huge ego would not let them eat after she was humiliated, now that their spot was taken up. Chang cast them a venomous look, causing them to hurry behind her immediately.

**(A/n) Hi! I'm writing this fic along with two other close friends (: We do hope the readers like it although we just do it for our sick amusement. By the way, the characters are real people... People at school People at other places...Whatever. Except for the Harry Potter characters. Yeah, those aren't ours. Steal our characters(steal us)and you'll face our unholy wrath.**

**Cheers**


	2. GRASS! and bras

_**Chapter 2; **_

"I'm killing Professor Binns again, who's with me?"

Victoria, Lyn and Bat raised up their hands. This was the third assignment that he had dumped on them that week. They had barely completed the first one on the possiblity of lycanthrope evolution and the second on the history of flobberworm saliva in potions. The titles, complex as they sounded, were equally dumb topics to be dawdling upon on such a beautiful afternoon. Temptations surrounded them in the form of quidditch and the glistening cool lake, but these had to be ignored. Binns would land them with another piece of work if they weren't quick enough.

Then, amidst all the scribblings of quill onto parchment, came one stomach growl. Then another. Then-

"Oh, I give up! I'm going for lunch, who's with me?" exclaimed Bat, extricating herself from the bench.

Bat and Victoria jumped, leaving Lyn at the table alone, eyebrows knitted together with concentration written all over.

"Are you coming, Lyn?"Victoria asked.

"Oh no, you go ahead, just bring me back anything that's nice or something, if that's alright. Stupid assignment's due after lunch," without looking up from her work, "Don't" she said, raising her left hand, "Say I told you so,"

"I don't have to," Victoria smirked, "You just said it for me,"

Looking up and narrowing her eyes at her, Lyn put her fist up, using her right hand to "unwind" her jack-in-the-box (which was her hand), slowly sticking her finger, as if unwinding a jack-in-the-box.

Victoria laughed and rolled her eyes. They duly trudged off to the Great Hall, leaving Lyn alone at the bench to finish up her assignment which was due right after lunch. Or so she thought.

Cedric Diggory walked up from behind her, leaning over and peering at her horribly scrawled essay.

Reflexes sprang into action as his shoulder brushed her own, and soon Lyn had officially whapped the intruder's face.

"YOU! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?" Lyn screamed, clutching her parchment to her chest defensively as a startled Cedric backed up, nursing his smarting cheek with his gloved hand.

"Goodness Sin, I was just reading your essay. It's a pretty good one, you know," Cedric shot back sincerely.

He had obviously just gotten back from quidditch practice, as he still had his seeker robes on, but this is a useless fact with no relevance to the current sub-plot, simply written for the fangirls who think Cedric is _lyk_, **_so hawt_**, **OMG!** Wif his quidditch robes and I_ rly_ wanna **have his babies**!11!

"Well, next time, I suggest you find a better way to look at people's essays, because looking over shoulders will earn your other cheek the same fate,"Lyn snapped, still recovering from the shock.

However she was also particularly proud of herself as she could see her slap had caused quite an amount of pain. _That_ would teach him not to meddle in her affairs.

Instead of walking off, Cedric had advanced and taken a seat at the bench.

"I'm not joking, it's pretty good," stated Cedric, settling on the bench, leaning over and trying to look at it.

"Thanks," came the cold reply as she jerked the parchment out of his view and edged to the end of the bench.

Lyn offered no other words. Of course she wouldn't. She couldn't. Would you know what to say to someone whom you barely knew, only as a desk partner? And on top of that admittedly good-looking? So you can imagine how the situation was: awkward.

Both tried to ignore that fact. Lyn did that by burying herself in her almost due/OVERDUEwork, and trying to divert her sight from the bright, eye-catching, hornet yellow robes at the other end of the table. Cedric however, was looking straight ahead at the lake, his head resting in his hand. He was contemplating leaving the table, but he thought that would just complicate the situation. So he stayed.

So there they were. Witch on the end of a bench, furiously writing away, eyes trying hard to not look at the other end, where Hufflepuff seeker was, staring into nothingness. So much for awkward situations.

"Don't you have Chang to accompany or something?" she asked, still scribbling away.

"Don't seem to see her," he said casually, flicking away an insect on his robe.

"Oh, she was looking for you inside the castle," she lied.

"Really?" he asked, looking at her rather worriedly

"Yeah," Lyn said, still trying to avoid his intense look, "She was going ballistic on how you always left her alone to go flirt with other girls,"

He got up hurriedly and asked, "Where was she the last time you saw her?"

"At the astronomy tower,"

"In the astronomy tower, or at the base of the astronomy tower,"he said, hoping for the base so he wouldn't have to climb four hundred steps.

"I don't know," Lyn replied in a caustic fashion, causing his heart to sink.

"So at the astronomy tower?"

"At the astronomy tower," she confirmed.

"I have to go... She's always thinking things like that," he said, walking off, mumbling to himself.

"Whoa..." Lyn said to herself, "Didn't think that was true,"

_Hopefully he will think she is on top of the tower since she cant be found at the base. She isn't anywhere there anyway, he'll have to climb up all four hundred steps...Ha ha ha_

She watched in amusement as he dashed off in the direction of the astronomy tower. Shaking her head, she bent over her assignment, glad that she got rid of him that easily...

"Hey, check this out,"Lyn said the next day at breakfast, tapping an advertisement at the bottom of a page in the Daily Prophet.

"Miss Cissie's Lingerie Clearance Sale?"Victoria asked, looking at her with confusement,"Bra sizes ranging from F onwards are priced at three for a Galleon. Hey thats cheap! Why are you looking at it anyway?" she asked suspiciously, "Is your bra size H?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Of course not you idiot," Lyn said, giving Victoria a hard shove.

She made an impatient noise and said, "Don't you see? Big Bras at such cheap prices means-" waving her hands, prompting Victoria to answer correctly.

"We can buy and donate them to the Slytherins who really need them?" Victoria said as she spied a group of hideous Slytherin girls tramp past them with suffocating breasts.

"No you idiot, but close enough," Lyn said, "I was thinking we buy a few of these wonder bras and send them to people around the castle,"

"Ahh... I see where this is heading now," Victoria grinned.

Lyn pulled out a few sheets of parchment and said, "We have to order them to Hogwarts,"

"Let's leave one on Snape's desk... Or Mcgonagall's! We can send one to Cho Chang too! HAHA, through owl post that is, so _everyone _can see it,"

"Yeah! Oh my gosh, this will be the prank of the year," Victoria said, jotting down the names of the people.

Lyn filled in the order form while Victoria explained the entire prank to Bat who had come over after having her fill.

"Oh oh, we can send one to Ciggory!" Bat exclaimed, laughing out loud.

Lyn screamed in laughter as she attached the order form to her owl (Mr Feathers) slapping its hind, sending it off on another mail. Oh this was going to be good...


End file.
